Rabbi Michael P. Sternfield
Chicago Sinai Congregation
15 West Delaware Place
Chicago, Illinois 60610
Rosh Hashanah Eve, 2004
Well, here we are again. The cynics among us, and I would include many rabbis, would say that the High Holy Days phenomenon amounts to little more than the annual “nod to God.” And for some of you, that may be true. I don’t know. I can’t look into your hearts. Only you know what has caused you to be here tonight. I can tell you this: whatever your reasons for being here, I am delighted to see you! I hope that you will come away from these services with a deeper appreciation for our beautiful heritage and religion. That is my personal goal for the High Holy Days.
Many years ago, I had a brief encounter that I have never forgotten. It was a dinner party and I was introduced to a well-known periodontist, who had been raised in the Orthodox neighborhood of Crown Heights in Brooklyn. As a child, he had attended to the yeshiva. But now he was living in San Diego, and had nothing to do with things Jewish, except for his Jewish friends. As we were exchanging small talk, I told him that I was a rabbi, at which he remarked: “Well, I’m not really into Judaism,” to which I could only respond. “That’s OK. I’m not really into gum disease.”
It was a pleasant enough conversation, and we actually became friends, but I could never get him to return to his Jewish heritage. As amusing as that initial conversation may have been, it still bothers me after all these years. He was so flippant, so dismissive of all that he had turned his back on, and I know that he is not atypical, and that makes me very sad.
But then, there is the other side of this story. Quietly, and without fanfare, every year rabbis through the land induct into the fold thousands of converts, or as we prefer to speak of them “Jews by Choice.” Whether through the formal process of conversion, which involves extensive study and participation, or through less formal means, the ranks of our community have grown considerably. Congregations such as ours have become increasingly heterogeneous. Truthfully, there is no way to know, whether by appearance or by surname, just who is Jewish, and I happen to think that is terrific!
In my filing cabinet is a folder that I regard as my personal treasure trove. It is a collection of the personal statements that I have asked converts to compose in preparation for their conversion ceremonies. There are dozens of them, and each one has its own unique perspective on the meaning of becoming Jewish. But what they all have in common is their heartfelt joy and enthusiasm from their discovery of Judaism:
I want to share with you just three excerpts:
“During my time of study and preparation, I found two ideals which deeply impressed me: first – that Judaism is a religion of actions and second, the concept of Tikkun Olam (Repair of the World). One of the ways I like to define being Jewish – is not simply being Jewish but by living ‘Jewishly’ every day – a lifestyle that reflects the values and beliefs of our faith. God has put participation in religion into the hands of each individual Jew; the bottom line is that we are responsible for ourselves. It’s a “do-it-yourself religion” if you will. And although Judaism is concerned with the past and the future, the connecting point is the present… As Jews, we take responsibility for the state of the world – for doing mitzvot. I like that I am God’s partner – working to make the world a better place, helping to mend it. Judaism expects, even requires that we be of this earth even as we seek higher spiritual planes. These two Jewish ideals give me the opportunity to look at my life in a most life-affirming, and fulfilling way.” (Anna)
“My heart is elated to have found this passionate way of living, where the way the human being lives makes sense. . . For the first time in my life, I was strongly attracted to a community which I felt was blessed with wisdom and love, where there is an absolute oneness of God and the consequent belief of unity among all the creatures in the world.” (Sonia )
“Studying and reading about Judaism’s religious beliefs, I
realized that they coincided with my own:
Jews believe that God is one, not many. So do I.
Jews believe that God is loving and personal and can provide guidance
and understanding throughout life. So do I.
Jews share a passion to make the world a better place. So do I.
Jews believe that faith can help dealing with life and its challenges.
And so do I.
I have chosen to live a Jewish life going forward because Judaism’s
basic religious beliefs and practices, all make sense to me.” (Henrik)
Our community has been greatly enriched by the addition of these three and many other men and women who voluntarily and enthusiastically join our ranks. This having been acknowledged, there are a number of points that I wish to underscore.
We must firmly reject the notion that Judaism is an ethnic group, and that the only way to be really Jewish is to be born and raised Jewish. Judaism is a value system, a set of ideals and practices based on profoundly important principles that come to us from the Torah and the Talmud. Our converts understand this and take it to heart more than most born Jews. Whatever they may seem to be lacking in Jewish ethnicity is made up for many times over in their heartfelt appreciation for the enduring values of our faith. To in any way impugn the authenticity of a convert does that person a grave disservice. Words such as “goy,” or “shaygitz,” and “shiksa” have no place in today’s Jewish vocabulary. There is nothing amusing about these words.
When a person formally converts to Judaism, the community is instructed to accept that person fully and without equivocation. For that reason, at the conversion ceremony the person receives a Hebrew name of his/her choosing to which is added a suffix: “ben/bat Avraham v’Sarah,” “the child of Abraham and Sarah,” the first Jews, as if to say that we are all children of Abraham and Sarah, those who were born Jewish and those who of their own choice have decided to join our people. There is no place for hyphens or for supposedly cute Yiddishisms.
And I must add this. Although it is unlikely that many Jews by choice will ever decide to make their home in Israel, as Reform Jews, we must insist that those who convert under non-Orthodox auspices be accepted fully under the Law of Return. The Orthodox’s arrogant rejection of our conversions in Israel is a disgrace, and must be overruled once and for all. It is not their right to dictate who is to be considered Jewish, or to say who is Jewish enough to satisfy them. This is a matter of principle, no matter how few or how many.
The next point is very sensitive. As you must know, Judaism is not a missionary religion. We do not proselytize; we do not evangelize; and we not advertise. For far too long, and in far too many places, our ancestors were subjected to harassment and extreme measures to compel them to abandon their faith. Many were even forcibly converted. We know all too well how it feels to be pressured into converting to another faith. For this reason alone, we must never pressure anyone into joining our religion, not even for the purpose of marriage.
There is a long-standing principle in Jewish law that a conversion that is in any way the result of pressure is not authentic; it is not kosher, and that includes for reasons of marriage. I fully understand that most other rabbis will not perform a wedding ceremony for an interfaith couple until the non-Jew converts to Judaism, and I categorically reject this approach. These rabbis studied the same texts as I did in the seminary. They know this principle of Jewish law too. So why do they persist in demanding conversion before marriage? And why can’t they recognize that unless a conversion is whole-hearted, it will likely be no more than perfunctory? We need men and women who sincerely desire to be active and committed Jews for life, and not just to satisfy some rabbi and thereby get to the chupah.
And let me add: no one ever should convert to the Jewish religion primarily
to make someone else happy. Admittedly, the prospective convert might not
ever have been led to the study of Judaism had he or she not met and fallen
in love with someone Jewish, but ultimately the decision to become Jewish
must be for one’s own sake. In fact, my personal preference is for
those intending to convert to wait until after they are already married
and then to complete their conversion. In that way, they will always know
that their conversion was at the time of their own choosing, when they
were ready. When I meet with a prospective convert who is about to marry
someone Jewish, I always say this: “I hope that you and your fiancé have
a long and happy life together, but let us suppose that you do not remain
together, would you still wish to be Jewish? Unless the answer to this
question is an unequivocal ‘yes,’ then you should not convert,
at least not now.”
But let me continue. There is a fine line between encouragement and pressure to become Jewish. As adverse as we must be to any forms of pressure, that it not to say that we should refrain from encouragement. There is absolutely nothing wrong in expressing joy and enthusiasm over the prospect of a future family member becoming Jewish. To demand it, or to expect it…. that would be wrong. But to offer support and encouragement is not only permissible, it is essential.
And now I come to the most important point of all. The most compelling form of encouragement is for those who were born Jewish to instruct and guide by example. What I mean is for those who were born Jewish to begin rediscovering Judaism themselves, and thereby demonstrating by example the joy and beauty of living a Jewish life. I am sorry to say that most of those who were born Jewish simply do not exhibit either the knowledge of or the appreciation for their own faith. Most just take Judaism for granted. I so often wonder, particularly at these conversion ceremonies, why it is that the converts see so clearly and feel so intensely about that which most born-Jews hardly notice or appreciate at all. They see our religion as we are not so able to see it ourselves. Judaism is so much more than an ethnic community. The practice of Judaism is not supposed to be just some kind of pastime, such as attending the occasional baseball game. It is an all-inclusive way of life, intended to bestow texture and substance to our daily lives. Most converts understand this far better than do born-Jews. Both in terms of knowledge and of practice, those who convert to our faith usually surpass those who were born Jewish.
And, without trying to be snide, you know as well as I do that if we were to give our members an exam on the same basic Jewish information that is imparted in our Introduction to Judaism classes to our born-Jewish members, most would flunk.
We spend a great deal of energy at our Temple dealing with what we call Outreach. But realistically there can be no successful outreach without inreach. The question is not only whether the convert can be welcomed into the Jewish fold, but whether the non-involvement of born-Jews can be overcome. The sincerity and intensity of the converts challenges us to think deeply about our noble intent to reach out. Reach out---with whom. Reach out---with what? And after touching the heart of the convert, we wish to bring that person home—but to where?
I will say it again: there can be no outreach without inreach. Outreach must be directed as much toward the alienation within as towards the non-Jew without. The newest members of the Jewish people need a sustaining, personal environment in which their Jewish commitment will flourish and grow, and that can only be provided by Jews committed to their own religion.
It is my profound hope that those who are joining the household of our Jewish people, both formally and informally, will do far more than bolster our numbers. My hope is that, by their example of devotion and enthusiasm for their adopted faith, they will help others to rediscover the faith into which they were born.
Would that all of us could more fully appreciate what a gift and a blessing our religion is! Would that each of us could see Judaism through the eyes of the convert! Those who treat their Jewish heritage so lightly might see things in an entirely different light and take it less for granted.
This Judaism of ours is such a blessing. So few of us truly appreciate what we have. It is a profoundly uplifting way of life for those who choose to live by its precepts. As you have heard expressed so poignantly from those who have recently discovered it, ours is a rational faith, laden with common sense and the spirit of simple decency. Judaism does not ask of us to accept doctrines as blind faith, but expects us to think for ourselves. It does not expect us to believe in teachings that offend the intellect. In fact, it almost never tells us what we must believe, but it does instruct us as to how we are to act in this world. Judaism teaches us simply to accept certain precepts about the goals of human existence, and to join in a community dedicated to Tikkun Olam, to making this a better, more peaceful and more compassionate world for ourselves, for our children and for all other people.
Ashraynu, mah tov chelkaynu, u-mah yafeh y’ru-shataynu. How privileged
we are! How goodly is our portion! And how beautiful is this heritage of
ours!