When I was in eighth grade an unusual event took place. One morning, as we were all settling into our seats and getting our books out of our backpacks, our teacher stepped outside the room. Suddenly a student ran through the room screaming and yelling. Then another student ran after the first. The first student, whose arm was bleeding, grabbed something off the teacher’s desk and ran out the other door of the room. The second student chased after the first. The rest of us were pretty much dumbfounded, not really understanding what had happened. Then our teacher came back into the room and some students started to report to her what had just gone on. She silenced them and instructed all of us to sit down and be quiet. Then she told each of us to write down exactly what had happened.
It will likely come as no surprise that our individual accounts of the event were far from identical. There was no question that we had all witnessed the same event. We were all in the same room at the same time. But each of us noticed different things. Some of us emphasized certain details and others emphasized other details. Some of tried impartially to report exactly what happened. Others of us interpreted the events and ascribed motive and culpability to one or the other student.
After we shared what we had written, our teacher told us that the whole incident had been staged – to help us learn about objectivity and subjectivity in the way that we view the world. You can see that it was an effective and powerful lesson – as I still remember it, (lo these 20 years later.)
Of course, my eighth-grade teacher would not be able to teach that lesson in quite the same way today because she would not be able to control it. Before she even returned to the room, one or more of the students in the class would have posted a video of the incident on social media, other students would have tweeted out their analysis of the incident – which would be colored significantly by their relationship with one or the other of the two students involved in the incident. Those tweets would be retweeted or reposted by others, who were not present, with additional comment depending mostly on what they thought might have happened. And if the two students involved in the incident were of different gender, or of different race, or of different ethnicity, or of different religion – then all those posts and reposts would be accompanied with additional comments completely unconnected to the actual events.
I think that you get the idea. We are living at a time when many, many people get their news from an echo chamber – from news media sources that have a known bias and that make little attempt, if any, towards objectivity or even balance, Or, they get their news from internet sources that are programmed with algorithms whose goal is to keep you on their site and so they are designed to tell you only what you want to hear. We are living at a time when many, many people lead largely insular lives, interacting only with those like themselves. We are living at a time when many, many people speak only with those with whom they already agree. We are living at a time of increasing divisiveness in our government, in our workplaces and in our everyday lives. We are living at a time when so many people seem to be so ready to get angry, and to lash out – verbally, physically or virtually.
How we understand our world, and all the daily occurrences in it, is likely to depend heavily on our upbringing and our life experience. There is little doubt that most people of color are forced to navigate the world differently than do people who enjoy white privilege. There is little doubt that people who live in desperate poverty experience the world differently than do people who have enough (or more than enough). There is little doubt that many Republicans see the world differently than many Democrats.
But, alas, it isn’t just a matter of seeing the world differently. These days so many people seem to be so angry and mean-spirited – so convinced that “I” am right, and “you” are wrong. These days differences of opinion are seen only as difference. It’s my way or the highway. You are either with me or against me. And if you don’t agree with me completely, about everything, then you must be wrong, and I don’t even want to speak with you. This certainly seems to be the case in Congress, where winning (or just scoring points against the “enemy”) seems to have replaced governing. But it is frequently apparent in our everyday interactions – and it is pervasive on the internet. It seems that many folks are ready and willing to post words filled with rancor and hatred, even if they wouldn’t say them out loud in mixed company. You don’t need to be a PhD sociologist to know that derogatory speech, and name calling, and insulting the other, have become commonplace in our public and private discourse. And you don’t need to be a PhD political scientist to know that incidents of bigotry and hatred, racism and anti-Semitism, Islamophobia and homophobia… are all on the rise.
There are days when this epidemic of intolerance is so frustrating and so aggravating that I just want to tear my hair out – and I don’t have much to spare. Seriously, I imagine that many of us feel exasperated about the deterioration of public discourse, and the steady loss of civility in society. And I imagine that many of us feel somewhat helpless to do much about it.
As is often the case, before we can work on changing society, we need to begin by working on ourselves. On this Rosh Hashanah, we can take the opportunity to resolve to navigate the world in a positive way and not be drawn into the growing morass of uncivility. As Jews, when we face a challenge, we turn to Torah. And Torah gives us inspiration and direction when it tells us that every person is created “b’tzelem Elohim” in the image of God. That means that each person is of ultimate worth and value, that we are all equal, and that each person is unique and deserving of Kavod, honor and respect. Our tradition teaches us that living in the image of God means that we should strive to behave like God. And God-like behavior is described in Exodus chapter 34, in the list of the 13 Divine Attributes. There God is described as “El Rachum v’Chanun” a God compassionate and gracious. So, we learn that living in the image of God means to resist the temptation to be judgmental – it means working to relate to other people with grace and compassion. This requires cultivating the personality traits of grace and compassion. This requires of each one of us – before sliding into harsh judgmentalism – to begin by thinking to ourselves: “Is there is a chance that I might be wrong.” Next we should try thinking: “Before I pass judgement, I should listen and consider the thoughts of the other.”
After “El Rachum v’Chanun” a God compassionate and gracious, Torah’s list of the 13 Divine Attributes continues with “Erech Apayim v’Rav Chesed” God, Torah teaches, exudes patience and tolerance. In Modern Hebrew, the words for patience and tolerance are etymologically related: Savlanut and Sovlanut. Savlanut – Patience, says the dictionary, is the capacity of calm endurance; of charitable understanding. Sovlanut – Tolerance, says the dictionary, is the capacity for respecting the nature and beliefs of others; the practice of allowing for the behavior of others.” When we work to cultivate the personality traits of Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance: calm endurance, charitable understanding, respecting the nature and beliefs of others – then we are acting in the image of God.
Just imagine if we were to take these ideas, graciousness, compassion, patience and tolerance, and put them to work in our everyday lives…
- When your child listens to loud music that is not to your liking – and your head is about to explode in anger and frustration – you can say to yourself: Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance – and instead of yelling, find a set of headphones or earplugs.
- When your friend makes a nasty comment about someone you dislike and you are tempted to respond in kind, you can say to yourself: Chen v’Rachamim, grace and compassion – I don’t have to join in the gossip.
- When your relative makes unreasonable demands on your time or your attention, you can say to yourself: Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance – maybe there is a way I can meet their needs and mine.
- When your colleague suggests a solution to a problem that is different than the solution you would have suggested, you can say to yourself: Chen v’Rachamim, grace and compassion – how might their suggestion be successful?
Just imagine how our everyday lives would be different if we held in our consciousness our awareness of each person as the image of God, each person of infinite worth and value, each person unique and deserving of Kavod, honor and respect. We can do this by cultivating the traits of Chen v’Rachamim, grace and compassion, of Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance.
I think that we will find that in the same way that the negative behaviors of anger and judgmentalism are contagious, so, too, the positive behaviors of Chen v’Rachamim, graciousness and compassion, of Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance can also be contagious.
And now imagine what a difference that practice could make in City Hall, or in Springfield, or in the Congress, or in the White House, or in the K’nesset, or at the United Nations. We could put our leaders on notice that we expect them to take the high road, that we expect them to behave with civility, that we expect them to perform their jobs with Chen v’Rachamim, graciousness and compassion, with Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance.
Just imagine if these ideas – graciousness, compassion, patience and tolerance – were put to work in in the halls of government…
- Ideas could be considered on their own merit instead of being rejected merely on the basis of who said them
- Our leaders could disagree without being disagreeable and find ways to compromise for the common good
- The well-being of the populace could be privileged over the disproportionate influence of special interests
Just imagine how our lives would be different if our elected leaders, at every level, could find the wherewithal to respond to each problem not with rancor, not with anger, not with judgmentalism, not with annoyance, not with politics as usual, but with Chen v’Rachamim, graciousness and compassion, with Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance.
Bullies tend to back down when their bullying behavior does not elicit the desired result. So when any of our elected leaders behave badly, trying to intimidate with name calling or incitement – or refusing even to bring up for discussion or vote the proposals of their colleagues from across the aisle, we can calmly and politely let them know that we have learned that one ought to act with Chen v’Rachamim, graciousness and compassion, that one ought to act with Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance – and we can calmly and politely let them know that is the only way they will earn our votes.
Please don’t misunderstand. When I speak of Chen v’Rachamim, graciousness and compassion, when I speak of Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance – in our everyday lives and in our government – I am not suggesting that everything should be tolerated or that we always have to agree. Our Jewish tradition is clear that when people do something that really is wrong – when someone breaks the law, or utters hateful words, or violates sexual boundaries, or any of the other now commonplace sins – when people do those things they should be rebuked. And they must be held accountable and responsible for their actions. But I’m talking about how we relate to people who aren’t doing something that is clearly wrong, they are just doing, or living, or thinking differently than we are.
We need to cultivate and teach the traits of Chen v’Rachamim, graciousness and compassion, of Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance. We need to put a stop to the teaching and modeling of hatred. We need to model being more accepting and not so judgmental. We need to give honor and respect to every person. We need to learn to give people the benefit of the doubt.
That’s what God does (thank God). So, as we begin this New Year, let us take our cue from God. May our lives come to embody what it means to live in the image of God by relating to other people the way that God does – with Chen v’Rachamim, graciousness and compassion, with Savlanut and Sovlanut, patience and tolerance – Let us resolve to begin this New Year by behaving with grace and compassion, with patience and tolerance, and by expecting that others behave that way as well.
Ken Y’hi Ratzon – AMEN
View Sinai’s 5783 Rosh HaShanah service sheet by clicking here.